DELIVERY TIME SCALES
Delivery can be up to 15 working days but is usually around 5. The variables to work out your delivery day include the following. Is the order being picked by the caffeine fuelled apprentice or one of the older guys who play lawn bowls. The nurseryman tree consultant inspector emotionally attaches to all his trees, did he have a 5 minute farewell or was your order forcibly removed from his tear stained grasp. The biggest variable are the couriers. We pay for a 24 hour service but as they frequently remind us, they never said which 24 hours.
You do not need to be at home for your order to be delivered.
SPECIFIC TREE REQUIREMENTS
Should you have specific tree requirements or questions you are welcome to email us here for an answer from the tree consultant.
Some Questions We Had Trouble With
Some questions have been difficult to answer such as "are weeping willow trees safe for primary school children to be around?". We answered "generally yes, but the wood has historically been used to make weapons for dismemberment and castle sieges. We suggest after buying our weeping willow that you randomly check your children for power tools to prevent catapult and battering ram construction".
Others have included the following:
We want a cheap solution to my neighbours ugly fence, what do you suggest?.... "Close one eye when walking down the garden path, close the opposite one when walking back up. Closing the wrong eye will lead to disappointment".
We want trees that block out noise, what do you have?..... "Any twig thick enough jammed into your ears will block noise".
Your webpage says tree delivery is in August, can we have one earlier? ....."Sure, is July 53rd good for you?"
Do you deliver to America?.... "Sorry no, since the election of Trump, all of our containerised trees have formed a sit in and refused to go. We held a meeting in the green house and asked for volunteers, nothing was heard back, not a single one stepped forward".
I would like a practical tree present for elderly Nan....."Buy a fast growing tree, pulp the wood to make an absorbent pad, shape into the form of an incontinence pad".
I have heard that talking to trees helps them grow, is this true...."It sure is. Ask them to speak up if they mind you applying a general tree fertilizer. It is very rare this approach does not yield results".